I didn’t mean to become a grammar geek. But somewhere between researching whether healthcare is one word or two (don’t get me started) and posting on Facebook a really bad pun about verb tenses (more on this later), I realized, yes, I had crossed the line.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I started off as a photographer. You know the type: They’re like the drummers in a marching band. They’re the ones in the back, living on the edge, bending the rules, never getting caught, and laughing louder than everyone else. Yep, that was going be me.
Then I realized I was mediocre as a photographer. Okay (or is it OK?), so maybe being the reporter, rooting out corruption, telling stories with heartbreaking prose, and afflicting the comfortable wasn’t so bad. I kind of liked the image of a hard-charging reporter hanging out in seedy rooms, talking to shady characters and stashing empty booze bottles behind my computer. But the only part of that image that turned out to be real was the bottles. (Thanks to a former Texas boss. I miss her.)
So here I am, quality control editor at SVI – still working over words for a living and enjoying it. The lifestyle is different, without the daily deadlines and frankly with a bigger group of nicer people, but the urge to put my own special twist on words remains. In my line of work – editing for clients who want clarity, entertainment and branding up front – consistency is king. You quickly learn what needs to be done to pay the bills. And if that means becoming something of a grammar traffic cop for wayward commas and bullet points, so be it.
So what does one do to cure the geekiness of a grammarian? A couple of things (make that four):
Never refer to yourself as one (see sentence above). Would you really talk to your wife (husband, friend, significant other, dog) that way? No.
Accept your fate. It’s not so bad. At least I’m not chasing some meaningless politician making another meaningless promise in another meaningless campaign stop. Been there, done that and I threw away the T-shirt.
Know that language evolves. Even the venerable Associated Press Stylebook acknowledged grammar evolution when the editors there decided writers didn’t have to capitalize “web page” anymore. I mean, really, when grandmothers can set up a web page in about 15 minutes, is it that special anymore? Accept it. Embrace it. Love it.
Play games with words. It keeps life interesting. As promised up there in the lede (that means the story’s first few lines in journalism-ese), here’s that Facebook post: The past, present and future walk into a bar. Things were tense.
Yes, I’m a grammar geek and there’s nothing I can do about. I soothe sentences and polish paragraphs. It’s what I do. And about that pile of bottles behind my computer – it’s frighteningly low. Now there’s something else I can fix.
